Overheard @ Stanford

Is the practicum for this class mandatory?

2008-01-20T06:09:00.001-08:00

Professor: So the probability you've got a straight on your hands is
determined by what comes out the back end here.

-- MS&E lecture

But at least it pays for tuition, right?

2007-12-15T05:34:00.000-08:00

Girl on Bike: "Yeah, and I might have to get naked tonight, so that also sucks."

-- Outside the Bookstore

"You drink the HCl, I'll drink the H20, and we'll see who gets heartburn."

2006-12-07T13:00:00.000-08:00

"Wait, so is the stronger acid HCl or H20?"

-- outside Hewlett

Now say, "I'm leaving you for someone less repulsive"

2006-11-21T15:53:00.000-08:00

Disgruntled significant other: "'You're a sick fuck.' There, I said it."

-- ZAP

Just be glad he doesn't do CSRE

2006-11-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

Prof: "Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?"
[Student raises his hand.]
Student: "A beech tree's got lighter bark."
Prof: "But otherwise there's no difference?"
Student: "...I dunno 'bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from Ikea, beech wood's always lighter."
Prof: "But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw
one on campus?"
Student: "If I cut it down, maybe."

-- 300-300

Does this have anything to do with monkeys or typewriters?

2006-11-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

Sweet-toothed student: "If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in
front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?"

-- Kresge Aud.

Bizarrely enough, the Honor Code does

2006-10-12T01:50:00.000-07:00

Obviously a Guy: "The Fundamental Standard does not apply to girls having sex."

-- Terra

Let the nerd-off begin!

2006-09-28T01:55:00.000-07:00

Guy to study partner: "My dad took Calculus before your dad!"

Just Say Maybe

2006-08-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

Girl: "No, no! Vicodin is bad! ... Vicodin is bad, Percoset is good!"

-- Manzanita Dining

Philadelphia, but no cream cheese?

2006-07-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

Girl, looking at menu: "It has lox in it, but it doesn't have salmon!"

-- Stacks, Menlo Park

The public responds to Willy Wonka's corporate press release

2006-06-02T02:44:00.000-07:00

Girl, in all seriousness: "Candy is NOT food! [Loud Scream] Take it AWAY!!!"

-- Stern parking lot

I hear The New York Times is a dumbass

2006-06-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

A: "Don't you read The Daily, B?"
B: "No, 'cause The Daily's stupid and I know more than it."

-- Bob Lounge

In a psych ward far, far away...

2006-05-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

"He has to SAVE the UNIVERSE! Do you know what that's like? Do you know what that feels like? No! Because you're not Luke Skywalker!"

-- Cardenal dining room

Schiphol International's Daily Gay Dutch Pot Parade

2006-05-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Well-traveled Hiker: "The first two things I saw when I got off the
plane in Amsterdam were a guy with a bong and a gay parade."

-- Big Sur

Do you have people-sized condoms?

2006-05-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

Girl, to Guy: "Look, you can only have one dick - and it can't be your
entire body."

-- Bob

L'eau du Fils d'un Ouvrier de Moulin

2006-05-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Straight guy, commenting on Sen. John Edwards: "His cologne smells really good!"

-- Faculty Club

Girl-on-girl action: not a factor

2006-05-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

Guy: "I think the reason I'm attracted to lesbians is their indifference to men."

-- Tressider Union

But will it lead to real poking?

2006-04-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

Girl: "I can't believe you text-messaged me telling me to poke you on FaceBook!"
Guy: "Well, umm, yea ..."

-- Bob Dining

What? Why ya lookin' at me like that?

2006-04-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Guy #1 to Guy#2: "I was sitting and then it squirted all over my shirt..."

-- The Quad

Cruel yet Somewhat Usual Punishment

2006-04-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

Somewhat Drunk Girl: "Did my boyfriend abandon me? I'm not sleeping with him again, like, ever!"

-- ΣΝ

... yes?

2006-04-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

Sophomore: "Would you like a beer?"
Freshman named Bill: "Yes. When was the last time I turned down a beer? Who do you think I am? Who do you think I am? Not Bill?"

-- Twain

He's going places

2006-04-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Guy: "I hate traveling but I like going places."

-- Trader Joe's

No one likes a smart-ass

2006-03-28T02:31:00.000-08:00

Frosh, holding cell phone: "Does this have a picture-taking thingy?"
Grad Student: "You mean a camera?"

-- Honolulu International Airport (HNO)

No comment.

2006-03-22T01:56:00.000-08:00

Girl: "Slower, and harder. Down!"
Guy: "You're very patient."

-- Toyon Hall

'Gender Equality: Now Featuring Male Chauvinism'

2006-03-21T01:59:00.000-08:00

Girl: "Wow, look at the cleavage on this bitch!"

-- Toyon Hall

As do the readers of this website.

2006-03-19T00:31:00.000-08:00

Guy: "Computers ROCK!"

-- Castaño

"We have Bush-Cheney donors the size of Buicks!"

2006-03-19T00:30:00.000-08:00

Girl: "You guys should come hunting at my ranch!"

-- Outside Wilbur dining

Stroking the p _ n _ s of your mind

2006-03-16T23:18:00.000-08:00

Girl: "So, I guess it's intellectual masturbation ... but ... I mean, I do
enjoy it."

--Toyon Hall

Pelvic Thruster: The Sequel

2006-03-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

Guy: "You have really powerful hips!"
Girl: "It's 'cause of my mom!"

--Toyon Hall

"Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?"

2006-03-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

Guy, looking at Georgia O'Keeffe poster: "I've seen better vag."

--Toyon Hall

But is she a shiksa?

2006-03-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

Guy: "Aww, she pelvic-thrusted! That's not kosher!"

--Toyon Hall

Ph.D. in Eugenics

2006-03-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

Undergrad: "Did you hear that he has a son?"
Alum: "Oh God, he reproduced?"

--Tressider Union

They're the new Uggs

2006-03-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

Girl: "This one time at the zoo I got to hold a baby kangaroo. He was so cute and fuzzy and soft! I wanted to make him into a pair of slippers."

--Tressider Union

And after they die, they vote

2006-03-02T02:20:00.000-08:00

("Old people go to Florida to die.")

--Chinese class, History Corner

Well, now she's angry...

2006-03-02T00:00:00.000-08:00

Guy #1, pointing to corner: "This is your angry hole! This is where you
go curl up when you're angry!"
Guy #2: "Hmmm, angry hole? That's what I call your mother!"

--Toyon Hall

'R. Kelly Mistakes Killer Whale For Underage Girl'

2006-02-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

Girl from San Diego: "My teacher used to work for Sea World, but his
first day on the job they put him in a Shamu costume and a little boy
ran up to him and peed on him."

--Bob

Like Strong Bad?

2006-02-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

Girl: "You do such a good Mexican accent!"
Guy: "He IS Mexican!"

--FloMo Dining

Steve Jobs is a racist

2006-02-21T01:10:00.000-08:00

South Asian Guy: "Your center button isn't working."
White Guy: "It doesn't work sometimes."
Filipino Girl: "I don't think this iPod recognizes people of color."

--Campus Drive (East)

Public Displays of A-freak-tion

2006-02-21T00:49:00.000-08:00

Girl #1: "So we were rollerskating, and holding hands, and everyone was all couple-y..."
Girl #2: "Ohmigod! That's worse than freaking with a guy!"
Girl #1: "Oh, really?"
Girl #2: "Yeah!"

--CoHo

Breakfast of Champions

2006-02-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

Sophomore: "I'm a History major, this is what I do!"
Frosh: "Drink in the bathroom?"

--The Quad (8:43am)

Rhyme? Reason?

2006-02-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

Guy: "Haiku is easy! All you have to do is stop at 17 syllables."

--Toyon Hall

I'd hit that.

2006-02-17T03:53:00.000-08:00

Male Roommate: "My TA is such a cute old man, except that he's like 25 and pure FOB."

--Lantana

Girl #1 is Asian

2006-02-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

Girl #1: "There's a party at Bob tonight hosted by the Jewish frat and the Asian sorority."
Girl #2: "Really?"
Girl #1: "Yeah, but the Asian frat's gonna turn up anyway."
Girl #2: "Why?"
Girl #1: "'Cause everyone likes Asian pussy!"

--Toyon Hall