Is the practicum for this class mandatory?

Professor: So the probability you've got a straight on your hands is
determined by what comes out the back end here.

-- MS&E lecture

But at least it pays for tuition, right?

Girl on Bike: "Yeah, and I might have to get naked tonight, so that also sucks."

-- Outside the Bookstore

"You drink the HCl, I'll drink the H20, and we'll see who gets heartburn."

"Wait, so is the stronger acid HCl or H20?"

-- outside Hewlett

Now say, "I'm leaving you for someone less repulsive"

Disgruntled significant other: "'You're a sick fuck.' There, I said it."

-- ZAP

Just be glad he doesn't do CSRE

Prof: "Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?"
[Student raises his hand.]
Student: "A beech tree's got lighter bark."
Prof: "But otherwise there's no difference?"
Student: "...I dunno 'bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from Ikea, beech wood's always lighter."
Prof: "But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw
one on campus?"
Student: "If I cut it down, maybe."

-- 300-300

Does this have anything to do with monkeys or typewriters?

Sweet-toothed student: "If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in
front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?"

-- Kresge Aud.

Bizarrely enough, the Honor Code does

Obviously a Guy: "The Fundamental Standard does not apply to girls having sex."

-- Terra

Let the nerd-off begin!

Guy to study partner: "My dad took Calculus before your dad!"